My husband has had an interesting relationship to vibrators. He’s an engineer, so whenever I bought a new vibe, he’d turn it over in his hands, eyeball the seams, and poke at the parts. Then he’d carefully watch my face while I used it, wanting to see how that particular gadget translated into results. He approached a vibrator like a scientist does a hypothesis.
When he was hired by Crave to help engineer the high-tech insides of their first vibrator, the Duet, he was excited about it. He’d always maintained that the vibrators I bought were “crap” and that he could do better. We were living 1700 miles apart that year while I finished graduate school, and so my birthday present came by mail. It was a prototype Crave Duet, carefully placed in a piece of foam he’d carved especially to hold it. “Let me know what you think,” read the note.
It was eye-catching, sexy, and wow, powerful for such a little thing. As I cycled through the vibration patterns, I found myself brainstorming. What if it had long pulses? Or gentle waves? Once I started asking myself what I wanted instead of what I was given, the possibilities seemed endless.
“It’s amazing,” I told my husband later on video chat. “But could you….”
“Could you add another pattern?”
His eyes lit up. “A pattern like what?”
As I described the wave pattern that I was envisioning (one that stops abruptly, at the very top of the wave, so that you can feel the vibration echo away in that sweet little pause just before it starts again), he took notes.
And while I had a rather unique opportunity to provide input into a product design, I think we all have had moments where we can either accept what we’re offered sexually or challenge ourselves to get a little more. Asking for what you want can be both intimidating as hell and the ultimate reward. How do you do it? Share your advice for requesting—and receiving—exactly what you want.
Amanda Wall is a Content and Social Media Strategist for IMA Interactive. She's working on her PhD in Digital Rhetoric, and is fascinated by all things sex and technology.